Parenting in a Pandemic

Parenting during a pandemic is … weird. You know that part in Anchorman where Ron yells  - while drinking warm milk - that he’s in a glass case of emotion? Some days I feel like that, but without the milk, because #rationyourgroceries.

Parenting with all the kids at home is a thing, but it’s a normal thing. Parenting at home with all the kids during a worldwide pandemic along with basically a public shutdown is a whole new ball game, one we’ve never experienced in my lifetime. It seems like we are constantly walking this line between cool &calm and freaking the fork out, and I slip from one side to the other fairly regularly. It actually takes a lot of work to find your balance again in the middle, continuing forward with the right amount of caution and concern along with perspective and positivity.

We’ve all said this stuff; we’ve all felt it; we’ve all read it in articles that we’ve posted and nodded along to and said “see? Yes, that’s what I’m feeling.” But I think naming it is not only okay, but important.

On one hand, this has all kinds of crazy and scary and weird within it. The what if’s are constant; of course, what if we get COVID?what if our kids have a weird reaction to it? What if one of us does? What if we’re carriers and don’t know it? What if school is out even in the Fall? What about all the businesses and workers who are taking a hit, having to close doors, getting laid off? What about our economy overall?  What if our parents get this? I love so many people who fall into the “senior” category who aren’t old to me, they are vibrant, wonderful people and grandparents and teachers and volunteers and I feel so scared for them, just because of their age. I see the news about other countries and how poorly the US prepared, the shortages of supplies, the strict criteria for tests and it feels heavy. Too big. Too out of any realm that I or anyone can control.

Yet, resources are pouring from schools, from organizations, from generous people. We can look everywhere and see helpers, see the people bringing rays of light and more. I mean, in less than a week as schools closed, our city school system had organized and compiled activities for every grade, coordinated ways to get children fed knowing that for many, their only meals were often at school, employed bus drivers and aides to deliver these items, and communicated plans to parents and caregivers. We have social media to keep in touch with folks and get ideas for retaining sanity.  There are like 700 hilarious memes right now coming out every minute.  Hannah B and Tyler might be getting back together. Friends are facetiming each other. People are supporting local stores however they can. Scientists all over the globe are working their little tails off to figure out this virus.  Here, my children are home with me, extra time I have the luxury to get and actually enjoy when they aren’t fighting with each other. My husband gets to pop up from his now-home-office and see them more regularly when he’s grabbing coffee or lunch. Our friends and family are supporting the heck out of each other. We have electricity, a house, health insurance, care providers who are ready to take good care of us, and a giant backyard that my kids want to explore every day. We have so much to be thankful for.

Back and forth I swing. We’re totally fine/ This is serious!  …This is temporary / The lasting impacts of this could be devastating.  ….Our kids will be okay / What about the families who won’t?  …Teach your kiddos what you can / You don’t remember anything from first grade; how are you going to teach your kids what they need?  …Hopefully this means Trump wont get reelected / Oh my god, what if he gets reelected.  …My kids will survive without school /But they are missing all that sweet, awesome, school-life stuff they love so much, and they’ll never get these days back.  … We can still get groceries / what if we run out and it’s the freaking hunger games out here?? Breathe; it’s all going to be okay / am I short of breath???

We as a collective society are processing big things. We are grieving, though it’s hard to name it. We are trying to be a rock for our kids in a wild and fast-changing current. We are scared for the unknown. We are allowed to have what I’ve been calling daily big feelings.

With all that unknown, something that has never been my forte, I’m going to take a deep breath of quiet air and think of the things I do know and am learning – the good, the bad, the funky, the fabulous:

-       There are always helpers. And it feels good to be one, even in small ways.

-       Not having the Daily Show sucks a little bit, but watching these folks broadcast from home still makes us laugh. 

-       A homeschool routine can actually be fun. The food chain game can occupy kids for hours; also, Jupiter spins really fast.

-       Sheaff can always be trusted to report any updates regularly, like a dang Tom Brokaw, until he needs to be told to put the news away.

-       “Sit and relax,” they said. “You can catch up on reading,” they said. Whoever ‘they’ is, they don’t have little ones, because I haven’t sat since school closed.

-       A pandemic is one way to learn the ins and outs of online college teaching. Hurray for a new skillset.

-       Outside is endless, in the best way possible. Letting them get muddy and lost in a world beside a creek is magic.

-       I do miss adult time.

-       We loved our teachers before, but my god do I love them more now.

-       Exercise is hard at home, especially when there is unicorn swirl ice cream in the fridge.

-       One year olds have not a care in the world. Bryce’s only worry is asking where the plane went that we saw yesterday – continually pointing to the sky and asking 'where' with great concern.

-       We can be a rock for students, a bright part in their very-changed lives.

-       Technology has a lot. There are some really cool ways to connect with each other and ideas. 

-       I also seem to get overwhelmed with all the choices for which great resource to pick from. Great problem to have?

-       Toddlers like to press buttons during conference calls and video chats.

-       A fully stocked grocery store is going to be a beautiful site.

-       It’s really hard not to hug people you know when you see them from a distance. Air high fives sort of work, but not really.

-       Your kids will tell you if they think your homeschooling activity is lame.

-       Humans can adapt more quickly than we give ourselves credit for.

-       It’s really hard to not touch your face.

-       We can control our house.

-       Seeing our family more during the day is really nice.

-       Things we won’t take for granted after this: school days, giant dinners, playdates, march madness, school plays, gym time, Clorox wipes.

-       Even when our village isn’t physically by our side, the facetimes, texts, drive-by’s, and sharing of resources has never been more present.

-       Disney + did the next right thing.

-       Rainy days are a little more twitchy.

-       You realize people have survived much harder, for much longer. We got this.

-       Sheaff told me for my birthday that if he’s going to be locked up with someone for a long time, he’s glad it’s me and our nutball kids. I love that, and love him. We’re in this together.

That’s really the message I feel overall. Despite swinging back and forth, trying and often failing to balance the big feelings, despite all the unknowns, despite the physical distance, ultimately, we’re in this together, world. When we get wobbly, our village is still there, in more ways than we realized, ready to hold each other up and walk through this together. Six feet apart, of course. But still, together.